Daycare troubles...

Unfortunately Luke's wonderful days with Grandmom are coming to an end.  You see Grandmom must go back to teaching her little kindergarten kids.  So Lukie has to start daycare.  At first I was excited for daycare - I want Luke to be around lots of kids and learn to share and socialize.  I was excited to have teachers look after him that are well skilled in taking care of infants.  Then I visited daycare for 2 hours last Thursday.  Luke and I arrived at 10am and stayed until 12:15pm.  We saw play time, lunch time and nap time.  And it was HORRIBLE.  It was scary.  It is not where I want my son to spend his days.  There were 7 little babies.  All about Luke's age (I think the oldest was 8 months).  At all times at least 2 were crying...really crying....screaming crying.  The babies were all hungry at the same time.  They were all cranky at the same time.  And there were only 2 teachers there to help.  Only 2 teachers to give the hungry babies a bottle and the cranky babies a hug.  Only 2 teachers to clean up lots of spit up and corral the little crawlers.  It was breaking my heart to picture Luke as one of the kids trying to eat his own spit up off the floor...picture him as one of the screaming, hungry babies that had to wait his turn.  I am tearing up just now thinking about it.  It was horrible. 

So now we are reconsidering daycare. We are looking for nannies.  We are talking to friends. 

But a piece of me still wants daycare to work.  Thousands and thousands of babies go to daycare.  And LOVE it.  The parents love it too.  So maybe I can learn to love it.  Maybe we just need to find a better daycare center.  Maybe I just need to bite the bullet and trust that these teaches can handle it.  Maybe I just need to realize that Luke can wait 15mins for a bottle - he won't starve.  He will get a hug when he is crying - just maybe not right away.  Maybe I just need to learn to let go a little....

But I don't know....he is my little Luke and I want the best for him.  I mean look at this face! He needs lots of hugs and sweet kisses. 

So I think we are going to give daycare a try on Wednesday and Thursday.  Tom will drop him off and then drop back in at 11am and stay for an hour - an unannounced visit - to see what is really going on when Luke is there.  And Tom will report back to me.  And then maybe I'll be able to breathe again at work.  And hopefully all will be well. 

I hope in 3 months I can look back at this post and realize I was just being a paranoid new mom.  And that daycare is the best thing for Luke.  But for now I am just praying I can make it through Wednesday!